WARNING....grab the cuppa, settle in, and lets see if any of this resonates with you.
You might recall me talking about it or you may have read about it in my book, Searching Spirit, but there were quite a few years where 'I WAS DOING EVERYTHING RIGHT', but at the same time I FELT STUCK. When I was in this position, I found myself on a very slippery slope going down and fast. Here is how it felt and went -
---> I literally was doing everything right. Working a full-time job. Had an okay wage, but felt as though I was treading water and not getting anywhere. Regardless, I kept pushing and I kept working.
---> I was getting tired. At first just physically. Soon it was physical AND mental. After that it was physical, mental AND emotional.
---> I was frustrated, snappy and exhausted. I would just want to 'rest' when I got home. I was too tired for my kids and for my wife. I automatically isolated myself as I just wanted 'me' time. When they tried to connect with me, I would snap, or purposely remove myself from the situation.
---> Not long after this I felt defeated. It felt as though it did not matter what I did, it was never enough. Never enough for me and never enough for my family.
---> Then I could literally feel my soul and life force being drained. Every day I woke up, I was tired and unhappy. I came home like this and it just repeated itself like a scratch in a CD or DVD.
---> I was stuck. I was defeated. I was lost. What was the point?
This cycle lasted around 3 years for me! THREE YEARS of living out of alignment and not being happy. Here are the top 4 reasons I stayed in this cycle for so long...
REASON #1: The "Figure-it-Out-Myself" & "It Will Be Okay" Attitude
This was the biggest reason I stayed in this cycle. I felt I needed to be strong and be the one to 'do my part' for the family. I just kept going and as I did that, I also kept the pain and suffering on the inside. I did not want to burden anyone and I always thought that no one could really help anyway. I figured that a solution or a miracle is just around the corner. Well, how wrong was I!
Taking this approach not only hurts yourself, but ultimately those around you too. Waiting for that miracle or waiting for someone to rescue you is like asking yourself, 'how long is a piece of string?' It is also like trying to dig for treasure without a metal detector. You stay busy digging (working hard and living unhappy) but how do you know you are digging in the right spot? The answer is - YOU DON'T!
Do it alone = Trial & Error. Trial & Error = Long & Slow. Long & Slow = unhappiness, frustration & anger. Unhappiness & Frustration = Out of alignment. Out of Alignment = No Flow and issues with health, relationship and finances.
The thing is, the moment I opened up and started to talk to my wife and seek some assistance to CHANGE my position, I started to get back in flow. The truth is that you do not have to do this journey alone and when you have the right people around you, supporting you, they help to show you where to dig for your treasure.
REASON #2: I will wait for the 'Right Time'
I waited and waited and waited for the right time. I waited for so many things to happen before I said I would take action or change anything. The truth is all of the things that I mapped out as the 'right time' were moving goal posts. They were moving because they either never came or when they did, I found another convenient reason not to move the posts once again. When I really examined it, this was all just me waiting for things to be 'perfect' before allowing myself to take action and as the saying goes - Perfection is just Procrastination gift wrapped!
REASON #3: I Cannot Afford It
What was worse, was that even though I understood the above two reasons, the financial aspect continued to stop me. Phrases like...'I can't afford that now' or 'Maybe next time when I have more money' or 'I have family commitments right now so once that settles down, I will do it' or 'I have got bills to pay'. I had all of these rolling around my head and every time I said them, the more I would feel stuck and I started to feel a little more ashamed as I felt that I was not good enough. I felt it, I lived and I let it control me. I let the 'lack' mentality get a hold of me and what was worse - I FED IT! Yep, every time I was saying these things, I was telling myself that this was my life and what it was going to be. Still, I held strong to the fact that I would have to wait for my financial position to improve before I could improve. That is when my brother mentioned something to me that I have never forgotten. He said, "While you think you're saving money by not spending it on things that will improve your life, you are ultimately paying for it in another way." Wise words don't you think? (Don't tell him I said that...lol). Truth is though, it really resonated for me. What it meant was that when we were making decisions based around money and putting the bank balance first, we were paying for them with our own happiness and health. After all, those bills I was always worried about were going to arrive whether I decided to make the change or not!
After that moment, my wife and I made a very conscious decision to not let money and finance control our decision-making processes! Now I am not saying do not be financially responsible, but do not let it control you and be the only reason for not living or improving your life. So why do some many people, including myself, let this happen? It is because money is tangible and it is physical. You can see your account balance on a screen and you use it every day when you go shopping or buy something. It is always there. Heck, the news always reports what the stock markets are doing and how much the dollar is worth! Now does our health and our emotional state get that much attention - of course not! But it really should! Because you cannot take your money or your house with you after your time here on Earth. It is your health and happiness that will play a big part on how long you will have here on this dirt rock and whether you are going to enjoy that time. Is it really worth worrying and stressing over? Are you going to continue to let it rule your entire life?
REASON #4: I'm Scared
Has someone ever said to you or have you ever said to yourself, 'What if it doesn't work out?' If you answered YES you are not alone. Moving forward and creating a better life, one that is in alignment, does not just happen. It requires effort and work. Yep, there is no way to sugar coat it. It will scare you and you will feel uncomfortable at the idea of change. The reason why you are scared is because you will have to leave the safety of your comfort zone. Only by leaving the comfort zone can you really grow and learn. But you know what? BEING SCARED IS A GREAT SIGN! When you have the reaction of being excited and then you get scared, and just after that you over analyse everything, that means it is a great thing for you! There is something for you along that path! It is your SOUL telling you that this is the way for you. I can tell you that my life has started to move from strength to strength since recognising this one simple fact!
Are any of these reasons resonating with? Can you see how you are stuck and possibly unknowingly keeping yourself in a state of perpetual fear and unhappiness? Then I encourage you to start looking at your life and start by making one change in your life. It can all start with one change. I will talk more about how you can start the process tomorrow.
But for now, I would love for you to take the time to email me and let me know: Which of these reasons resonated with you and if you could remove these reasons, what would your life look like? I would love to hear from you and read all about what your life looks like beyond these reasons.
Thanks for taking the time to read this and hope it let's you know you are not alone and it that may inspire you .
Always in your corner,
P.S. Now if you are ready to skip the 'trials & errors', if you are ready to ask for help, if you're wanting someone to help you with the journey, but you do not know where to start or who to talk to then click here to start your journey.