This is one question that I have been asked a lot recently and is a very common one when you work in this profession so I thought it best that I share my thoughts on this topic and try to explain it so one might have a better understanding.

The short answer to this question is obviously answering in terms of a time frame, but while I will address this I will also cover other areas that can have an affect on your loved ones ability to communicate with you once they have passed over.

An absolute minimum time you should wait before seeking to communicate with your passed loved one is 3 months! However, it would be wise to try and wait for 6 months.

Whilst there is nothing to say that your loved one is not around immediately after their passing, it is important to allow them time to adjust to their new surroundings. Some of my clients have been very fortunate to have their loved ones come through in a session after a week or two, but these were quite exceptional circumstances. One in particular that comes racing back to me was a reading I did for a gentleman by the name Eldred who happens to be 93 years young! I recall as soon as well sat down I explained to him about the lady standing to the left of him with her hand on his shoulder. After describing her in further detail she asked me to pass on a clear message. Running the risk of sounding very cliche she explained to me that ‘he thinks of me everyday’. Eldred was nice enough to reply in a very matter-of-fact tone, “Yes, I do! I have thought of her all week.” I was naturally taken aback as it was the last thing I was expecting. He was nice enough to confirm for me that she had only passed the week prior and that she too was 93 years of age and that they have been married for over 60 years! Now, this was definitely one of those very rare circumstances and was an exception to the rule, but there are other factors besides time that can determine when your loved ones can come through.

Trauma and pain can adversely affect a Soul’s ability to come through.

One of the main things you need to consider before seeking a session is how did your loved one pass? Did they pass peacefully or did they have a painful 10 year battle with cancer? It may be a little hard to see why this may affect communication, after all, it doesn’t matter once they have passed right? Well let me use the following analogy – we all leave home to go to work and back again. Now, one person literally can walk around the corner to their workplace. Nice and easy. Literally a walk in the park. On the other hand, the other person has a hike ahead of them in order to get to work. Not only do they have further to go they have to go over three big hills, swim across the river and climb through thick brush. Oh and don’t forget they have to do the same to get home again! Now if we were to ask ourselves which person would be more tired when they got home the answer would be pretty obvious it is the latter. Now, I would like to remind everyone that when we pass over we are literally returning home, but how we get there is up to each individual and their journey. This naturally affects a Soul’s recuperation time and it might just take more time for others to heal when they reach the other side. On a side note, we are now becoming more aware and gaining more insight as to what occurs when we make the transition.

If you are interested in learning more about what your loved ones are and have gone through then there are a couple of books I can highly recommend – ‘Survival of the Soul’ by Lisa Williams and if you after a more detailed account then you might want to look at ‘Journey of the Soul’ by Dr Michael Newton.

How they were in life will be reflected in the afterlife.

Personality for me plays an integral role in bringing someone’s loved one through in a reading and it is their character that can have a major affect on communication after passing. To simplify things here I will simply say that souls retain a lot of their personality and character after passing and that the longer they have been on the other side the more they became detached from their earthly traits. Taking this into account you need to examine what kind of personality and/or character your loved one had? Were they happy, bubbly, and could talk underwater, or did they have the personality of a wet rag? Were they a confident and outgoing person or did they prefer the company of the cat? Now don’t get me wrong here as I am not trying to be insensitive, but when you are looking to contact someone in Spirit you need to look at this with a healthy dose of truth. Through all my experiences a person who is confident, outgoing, and liked to talk will have a greater chance of bridging the gap than a person who liked the company of cats and garden gnomes. Not only can they bridge the gap a little better, but I also tend to find that they can deliver clear and concise messages. On top of this, you may also need to look at what your loved one believed in.

One’s belief can significantly alter the chances of afterlife contact.

Very much along the same lines as what I was explaining above applies to the person’s belief system. For example, if they believed in the afterlife their chances would probably be higher than some who didn’t. Now don’t think for a second that your chances are lost just because your loved one was an atheist, quite the contrary. After a bit of time on the ‘other side’ they will see what they can achieve and more often they will attempt a connection at some point, but in relation to a recent passing then yes, this is something you may want to factor in before looking at consulting a medium. At this point some of you may also be asking about the role religion may play here? Well from my experience Souls and Spirit do not let these belief systems block them from communication with us still here. They may make reference to their beliefs, but you will most likely find that they will not focus on it.

Grief is a very strong emotion and can impair their contact with us.

This is the hardest thing to explain to clients as most who are grief-stricken really want their loved ones to pay them a visit. Well, truth be told, providing all the factors above are favorable, then absolutely yes your loved ones will be around you trying to comfort you. However, grief is and can be so strong that it withdraws our energy and lowers our receptivity to Spirit vibrations. Think of tuning a radio – your loved one is trying to connect with you on a higher frequency for example 105FM whereas you are now trying to connect with them on a lower frequency, say 91FM. When you are looking for a station and you stop when there is nothing coming through you get nothing but static. This is another factor you do need to be mindful of when you are looking to connect with a loved one who has recently passed. Remember it is just as important to allow yourself time to grieve and heal just as much as it is for them.

Weigh up the factors and then feel out the time for a reading.

I sincerely hope that if you have managed to read this far that you are taking the process of Spirit communication a little more seriously. You need to sit down with yourself and go through these factors seriously.

  • How long since they have passed?
  • What was their passing like?
  • Would they be the person racing to the other side to get a message to you?
  • Did they believe in the afterlife?
  • How are you coping with their passing?

When going through these questions you need to be very honest with yourself for if you are not, you may just end up disappointing yourself when looking for a reading. The other important thing to remember here to is feel when the right time is for you to have a reading. Don’t be compelled to race out there after 3 months to go and get a medium to connect with your loved one. For if you really do feel it is the right time then that is most likely your loved one giving you the nudge that is time that you connected!

I truly hope this has helped you and I welcome any comments, questions, or comments from clients and mediums alike.


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